hugs and prayers.

My mother who died four months ago visited me in my dreams one night. I felt that it was a very sad dream which made me woke up from my sleep sobbing. 

I really can't remember the exact scenes and I can't understand what could be the reason or meaning of it but what is very clear to me is that nanay wants me to know that she and tatay feel for me, that they are there for me.

That morning, after dropping my son to his school for his graduation pictorial, I went to the columbarium where nanay and tatay's urn are kept.

I sat down, stared at their tombstone and my tears started to fall. I told them I needed their hugs- to comfort me. Suddenly, everything came back, when tatay hugs me tightly at any time of day, for no reason at all, more so, when I am crying. 

Only tatay's tight hugs makes me stop from crying.

I may be considered as their strongest youngest daughter, because never did I show them when something bothers me, when I have problems or when I'm badly hurt. But whenever tatay noticed that I am so quiet and he started to hug me, it melts my heart and made me feel how weak I am. Like a seven year old girl who sobs, cries her heart out and needs his comfort. Tatay's hugs just made me feel how much I needed them because they always reassure me that everything will be alright. 

And there I was, sobbing, crying and felt that my tatay is hugging me once again, hugging me tight the way he used to when I was still his little girl and nanay, she keeps on telling me to hold on to my prayers, that they believe that I can get through this because they are always there for me, to guide me, to pray for me, since then till now.

I left the columbarium with my tatay's hugs and nanay's prayers. Though I can still feel the pain inside me, I have this faith that in time, I will be ok and that everything will be alright.

And to my tatay and nanay, I am missing the both of you so much, Now that you are both gone, it's only now that I can feel so much sadness without you both. Maybe because I am really not your strongest youngest daughter, but because I am your bunsoy who constantly needs you hugs because it makes everything all right. 

p.s. Advance Happy Anniversary to both of you! Be happy and celebrate your anniversary with the angels up there! Thank you for always being there for me, iloveyou both so much!